Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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