Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
