There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
