Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
