I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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