my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
