I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm like, not good at living.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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