my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
