I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
