Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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