Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize