Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
