Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
