I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
