I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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