So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
