Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
