dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
