I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
