shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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