There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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