Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
