No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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