i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
