When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
