That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
