you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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