if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
