This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
