My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
