puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
