a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
