I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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