I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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