i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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