If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
