I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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