Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
