It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
