Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
