The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
