I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
