Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
