those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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