While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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