I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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