haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You ruined the universe
Randomize
