Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
