So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
worst night to have a conscience
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
