your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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