omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
