He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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