what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
