Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
