Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
