We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
