So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I understand Curling. That high.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
