I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
