The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I want is dick and wine.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
