In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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