Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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