and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
