The best revenge is premature balding
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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