Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
