Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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