id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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