I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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