i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
