eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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