so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
