You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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