There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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