Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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