Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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