John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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