We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
