What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
