either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize