He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
