well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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