at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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