We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
