Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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