You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize