his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
