I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
