thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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