Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
