the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
