I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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