yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need moral support for this bender
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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