he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
