Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
