if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
