y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
