Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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