I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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