Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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