Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
