Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
