I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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