i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
