His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My penis needs a shock collar
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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