At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
love makes seman taste better
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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