I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
