If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
