Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
