just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
