You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
