I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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