i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize