Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
