Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
