I didn't shave. On purpose
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
